premature de-clara-lation

why must I hold aloft the efficacy of your intended result? what is the reason for forbearance from those scruples you so instruct me to? I brought a bottle of champagne onboard, you were relentless in your diminuition. this cannot possibly be fair. the crashing down, the sweeping under the rug of all we held dear, and all for that counterprogramming you so insidiously infuse. break down this wall! I exhort, and maintain joy in the face of your mortal bait and switch. I'm certain I'll see you with your tail hanging come midterms, but I don't rely on this for getting by.

an initial excavation

if I could explain exactly what is proferred here, well, then, I would be doing a disservice to the American people, they of the reputedly fallow, shepherded mindset, who (stop me if you've heard this one before) promenade ostentatiously toward their final welcome with a beatific, self fixated grin, or so I've been told. I cannot possibly facilitate such a vainglorious, ignominous pact. were I to do that, I'd have to cast off my presumptuously adopted holy vestments, and leap headlong into the yawning miasma of misbegotten intentions. that is to say, well, un bon weekend to you, sirs and senoritas, and, well, let's get on with this, shall we?

I can almost taste it